@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize