his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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