I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
