I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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