I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I had to cum in my sink.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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