I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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