Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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