Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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