he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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