We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
