you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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