is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You made out with two different species that night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
