I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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