there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
