sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's never too late to be topless.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
