I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
