I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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