I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
