This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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