Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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