The maid of honor just puked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize