I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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