The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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