I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize