my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
