I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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