me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
