yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
