he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
