My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
