I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So apparently I’m into choking now
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