She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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