Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
