I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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