she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
