OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
