Porn is love you can see.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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