Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
