Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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