she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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