guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
