I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
