my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize