Farmville is her only friend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
