OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
