She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
