Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
