Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
