If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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