Swine flu. Run for my life!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Every concussion has its silver lining
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
