roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
