hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Come on in and take your pants off
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