why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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