Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
