I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
