we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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