I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
