Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize