If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
