There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
