If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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