Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
