I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
