dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
