It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
