if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
