It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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