obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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