K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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