beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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