Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize