I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
